


Songs About Tempation

by theLilyBird



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-06
Updated: 2016-02-06
Packaged: 2018-05-18 11:24:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 16,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5926708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theLilyBird/pseuds/theLilyBird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Commander Rhylee Shepard develops an unexpected friendship with Garrus Vakarian, resulting in feelings neither of them can explain or cope with.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ain't No Rest for the Wicked

**Author's Note:**

> I've gone over this work with a fine tooth comb and I really like where it's gotten to. However it is unlikely there will be a sequel unless there's serious demand.

Commander Rhylee Shepard stretched, throwing her legs over the side of the bed with a yawn. It was early, she could tell. Most of the ship would be dead asleep. She groaned as she rose to her feet. Snatching her robe off the nightstand, she made her way out into the mess hall. Slowly, she pulled her robe on and padded through the mess.

 

Sure enough, she was the only one up. Even Kaidan, who often spent late nights working on nothing in particular because of his migraines, was nowhere to be found. She made her way to the elevator, and began the slow descent to the lowest deck. Absently, she stared down at her bare feet and toenails painted blue. Wiggling her toes, she giggled. The ship’s floor wasn’t as cold as one might expect. Just then, the elevator doors opened to reveal a single light on by the Mako and a turian slumped against its wheel with a bottle in his hand. Rhylee made her way over as quietly as she could, unsure if he was awake or not.

 

“Commander, what brings you down here at this hour?” Garrus asked, looking up at her from his place on the floor.

 

She jabbed a thumb to the right, “I was going to the engine room.”

 

Garrus stood up; rising to his full seven and a half feet, a giant compared to Rhylee. 

 

“C’mon, I’ll take you,” he said, putting the bottle down beside the Mako.

 

“Garrus, are you drunk?” she asked, curiously looking down at the bottle he’d left behind.

 

Garrus chuckled, “I don’t get drunk, Commander. Now, let’s go.”

 

She followed him into the engine room, struggling to keep up with his long strides. He stopped in the middle of the massive room and she moved past him, padding her way as close to the core as she could get. Rhylee leaned against the bars that kept her from getting closer and sighed contentedly.

 

“Why’d you want to come down here, Commander? Shouldn’t you be in bed?” Garrus inquired from just behind her. She hadn’t heard him get so close.

 

“Can’t sleep,” she answered simply. “What about you? You’ve got a bunk of your own.”

 

“It’s complicated,” he replied.

 

“It’s alright you know. To be homesick, I mean. We all get homesick sometimes,” Rhylee said, tilting her head just enough to see how he would react to her words. Not that she knew much about turian expressions.

 

He faltered, “I’m not—Commander it’s been a while since I’ve been home. I haven’t been to Palaven in…a long time.”

 

She watched him from the corner of her eye for some time. 

 

“You miss being around other turians,” she said softly.

 

“What gave it away?” he asked, quietly.

 

“That bottle…you weren’t drinking alcohol. It’s Imported Palaven Pomdargent Juice. Pomdargents only grow on Palaven, during the dry season. They’re hard to get a hold of unless you’ve got the right connections,” she answered, turning to face him.

 

“You’re well informed,” he said, his mandibles flicking out and back twice.

 

Without thinking she blurted, “What does that mean? What you just did with your mandibles, what would that mean to a turian?” Almost instantly, she regretted asking, but he did so many things she couldn’t make sense of because she was human.

 

His hand reached up to his face; absently touching his mandibles and laughed, “It’s a smile, or at least it’s the equivalent. It’s a bit more complicated than just smiling. Like our undertones. It’s…more complex than with humans.”

 

“Could you teach me? To understand turians, I mean,” she asked, her voice so quiet she thought it might not translate for him. She could feel her cheeks heat up and turn red in embarrassment.

 

“You can’t hear our undertones. It wouldn’t be easy.”

 

“I’m not one for easy,” she said, quirking her lips at him. 

 

His mandibles fanned out wide and came back to their place against his face before fanning out and returning a few more times. Rhylee thought to ask what it meant, but decided against it. She was tired, and although sleep might not find her again tonight, she would try. 

 

“Good night, Garrus. Try to get some sleep, won’t you?” she said.

 

His mandibles flickered in what she now knew to be a smile, “Is that an order, Commander?”

 

“Do you want it to be?” she asked, teasing him.

 

“I’ll go in a few minutes. Wouldn’t want anyone getting the wrong impression, Commander,” he answered, teasing back.


	2. Bad Reputation

“Okay, show me again,” Rhylee said, taking a bite out of her apple and training her eyes on the turian beside her.

 

“Alright, watch carefully this time. It’s subtle,” Garrus said, inhaling deeply. He flicked his mandibles out rapidly twice, before bringing them to rest tightly against his face.

 

“Frustration!” she shrieked her mouthful of half chewed apple. “It’s frustration! I got it!”

 

He did the equivalent of a smile and gave her a human nod, “You’re getting better. Let’s try something more difficult: Flirting.”

 

“That’s not fair! You  _ know _ how hard that is for me!” she shrieked. 

 

He’d started out by trying to teach her flirting; insisting it was important for her to learn. They both tried, but she could barely tell when a human was flirting with her, never mind a turian. Finally he’d let it slide, promising to move on to other things. He rose to his feet and held his hand out to her.

 

“I hate you,” she grumbled at him, taking his hand. He pulled her up so fast and fluid that she gasped.

 

“You ready, Commander?” he asked, his eyes watching her like a hawk watches prey.

 

She shifted uncertainly, tugging at the hem of her pajama shirt. 

 

“I don’t think I can do it, big guy,” she said. “I can barely tell if a human is flirting with me. How am I supposed to tell if an  _ alien _ is flirting with me?”

 

“Just remember what I’ve taught you so far, and tell me the first thing that comes to mind. Alright, Commander?” 

 

He seemed to have dropped his voice down to somewhere she didn’t recognize. It wasn’t in her lessons; the way he sounded just then. His mandibles fanned out and pressed back against his face a few times in a gesture she didn’t understand and hadn’t bothered asking about. She nodded hesitantly. After a long silence, Garrus sighed. 

 

“Alright,” he said, putting his hand on her shoulder, “we’re done for tonight.”

 

“No! I can do it! C’mon, give me another chance!” she demanded, no longer worried about failing. “You have to at least let me try!”

 

As an answer, he sat back down, leaning back on the Mako’s tire. 

 

“You want a drink?” he asked, holding a bottle up to her. “It’s pretty sugary because it’s levo-dextro, but it’s not bad—just girly.”

 

She let out a growl of frustration before throwing herself down beside him. 

 

“I hate you. You’re my least favorite person in the galaxy. I’ll have you know right now, that if the chance should ever present itself, in which you want to get in my pants; the answer is an absolute, complete and utter no.”

 

He didn’t respond. He just handed her the bottle and waited for her to hand it back. It wasn’t long before she was drunk. She was a lightweight when it came to most things. She’d gotten her hands on some pot a while back, and it took exactly two hits before she was rolling around on the floor, laughing about the color of the sky.

 

“Tell me about yourself,” Garrus said, holding the bottle firmly between his thighs, making sure Rhylee couldn’t get it.

 

“What’s there to tell, big guy? I’m not very interesting,” she said blandly, groping for the bottle.

 

He gently pushed her back, placing her apple back in her hands. He watched her begrudgingly bite into it and chew. 

 

“There’s plenty about you that’s interesting, Commander,” he said, his voice as natural as ever. It was annoying how alcohol never seemed to affect him.

 

“Should we start with my sexual exploits? I have been called a xenophile,” she said, the alcohol making her feel impervious to embarrassment. The way he nearly choked on his own tongue told her to continue. “I could start with my time with this hanar. His soul name was Sings with the Voices of the Enkindlers, but his face name was Velneros. I called him Vel. God, was he good at  _ singing _ . You would not believe the things he could do with his tentacles. He’d never been with a human before, but—”

 

“A hanar, that’s where your exploits begin and end, Commander?” he interrupted, not wanting to hear about what Vel could do with his tentacles.

 

She laughed, “Should I talk about the krogan, then? Or the drell? Damn, that man could  _ kiss _ . The hallucinations always added something special and different each time. I could also tell you about Shev. He was such a sweet quarian. I like to think I’m the reason he never went back to the Flotilla. From what he’d told me the last time we talked, he planned to ask a human girl to marry him. I’m pretty sure her name is Megan. He invited me to their wedding.”

 

“So you’ve slept with every species, is what you’re telling me, Commander?” Garrus asked.

 

“Almost,” she replied. She reached out and patted his mandible, “except turians. Your species has always escaped me. The one that got away,” she said wistfully.

 

He pulled back and fluttered his mandibles at her in a way she didn’t recognize. He was quiet for a moment before he asked,“Salarian?”

 

She nodded, “He was gay. For humans; male humans. But he’d convinced me that it would soften the blow for his family if he was with a woman at least to start with. He didn’t want me physically. I can’t say I found him particularly exciting, either. But he was good with his mouth and that was enough to pretend to be madly in love with him in front of his family. We still keep in touch.”

 

“You can’t possibly have been with an elcor, Commander. That’s not even a good joke.”

 

“But I have,” she admitted. “Not sexually. We’re not compatible in that form under any condition, but I was in a relationship with one. He was smart and kind. He always had a good joke. He could make you laugh when all you wanted to do was cry, even though he couldn’t laugh himself.”

 

“Sounds like you miss him,” Garrus said cautiously. 

 

“Yeah, we both knew it wasn’t going to last long. That sort of weirdness never does, I suppose. He died on his way to visit his family back on their homeworld. Pirates looking to bring in a good haul. Like I said, Tor was kind. This one guy was getting handsy with a human girl, and he stood up to them. One of the guys was new and not very good with a gun. Tor was shot, and the pirates fled as fast as possible. The ship tried to get him somewhere with legitimate medical care, but it was too late. He was gone before they even got to the nearest relay,” she said, her voice cracking, becoming hoarse and wispy.

 

Garrus was quiet for a moment. 

 

“Did you love him?” he asked.

 

She shook her head. “I’m not stupid. He was an elcor; I’m a human. He was a merchant; I’m Alliance. He lived on the Citadel; I lived wherever I was told. We should’ve just been friends, but we got this dumb idea in our heads that it would work out. Some part of me, thankfully, knew better and I never really  _ loved _ him.”

 

“I’m sorry, Commander.”

 

“It’s not your fault, big guy. Tor was too good for me anyway. I like to think he found someone better wherever he is now,” she said, the corners of her lips turning into a soft smile.

 

“You’re selling yourself short, Commander,” he said, his eyes avoiding hers.

 

She shrugged. “I’m nothing special. I’m a human, a biotic, a soldier. I’m about as plain as they come.”

 

“You’re forgetting Spectre, Commander—”

 

“Those are titles. A title doesn’t make  _ me _ special,” she corrected.

 

Garrus let out a frustrated growl as he lifted her up, placed her in his lap and turned her to face him.

 

“Look Commander, you’re more than just a bunch of fancy titles. I’ve never seen you be truly mean to anyone. You can hold more than your own on the battlefield. You protect every member of your crew, even if we don’t realize it. You care more than any person—human, turian, or otherwise—I have ever met. You make us better people, Commander, just by being here; just by existing. Just by breathing the same air we breathe, you’re making us better.”

  
She was crying now; his words were the sweetest she’d ever heard. The tears streamed down her face and he sat there with her, holding her against him like she was fragile; not saying a word, just being Garrus. Just being her friend, her  _ best _ friend. In that moment, she couldn’t imagine what she’d do if she lost him on this mission; if he didn’t come back one day. 


	3. Story of a Girl

“Commander, you alright?” Kaidan asked, startling Rhylee so bad she felt like she nearly had a heart attack.

 

For the past week, she’d been free to make her way down to the cargo bay and her secret friend without anyone knowing. Kaidan had shuffled off to bed at varying times, but always before Shepard awoke from her restless sleep.

 

“Alenko, you’d do well to not startle your commanding officer,” she said, forcing her voice to take on that commander tone she hadn’t used at this hour for a long time now. “I’m going to the engine room,” she answered, knowing it really wasn’t his business, but not wanting to be rude.

 

“Is there a problem down there? Do you need a hand? I could take you if you want,” he offered, his eagerness to spend more time with her bubbling up in his voice.

 

She shook her head. “Everything is fine. I just want to visit the engine room.”

 

“Do you want company?” he asked, still pushing.

 

“I need some time alone to think about the mission. Have to be on the top of my game if we’re all going to get out of this alive, Alenko,” she answered, forcing a smile. 

 

He nodded, his head dropping. “I understand, Commander.”

 

She didn’t want to be here right now. She wanted to drop  _ Commander _ Shepard and just be  _ Rhylee _ Shepard. Instantly she felt bad, but she didn’t want to surrender her time with Garrus. If she was going to run into hell not knowing if she would make it out alive, she was going to be selfish.

 

“Try and get some sleep, Alenko. I bought some tea on the Citadel that’s supposed to help calm you and relieve pain. Drink some, hopefully it’ll do some good and keep the migraines at bay,” she said, walking off toward the elevator. In all honesty, she had bought it with him in mind.

 

Stepping off the elevator, she let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding when she saw Garrus waiting for her. 

 

“Hey, big guy, what’s the plan for tonight? More lessons?” she asked, walking toward him.

 

“Not tonight. I thought we could just talk instead. Get to know each other better,” he said, grabbing her hand and leading her to the engine room. “Besides, we haven’t been to the engine room since you first showed up down here.”

 

She followed silently. When they stopped, he released her hand and she felt a light flush spread across her cheeks.

 

“Why do you like this place so much, Commander? What’s special about it?” Garrus asked; his eyes melding into the light blue glow of the core.

 

“I grew up on space stations. I never had my feet on solid ground for long. I began to see ships and stations as more than places or homes. They were like people; each had their own personality, flaws, and opinions. To me, the core is like the ship’s heart  _ and  _ mind. Coming down here is calming for me. It helps me think,” she explained, feeling a bit silly.

 

It was quiet for a moment and Rhylee was sure he thought she was a freak.

 

“You’ve got a unique way of thinking, Commander. I like that about you. You make me think about things in a way I didn’t know I could. I’d like to see the galaxy the way you do. It seems like it’d be more beautiful through your eyes,” he said, wondering if she thought the same thing of him.

 

“It’s a nice thought, but I don’t think it’s something you can actually do.”

 

“But if we could, I would do it. Just to see what it’s like inside your head. To see everything in such a beautiful way,” he said, sounding unlike himself.

 

Rhylee had known him to be kind and gentle, but he was so young in the way he thought: the way he understood things. He got stuck on things he should’ve let go, and liked to play by his own rules. Not that she had a problem with playing by your own rules, but she had a problem with  _ his  _ rules.

 

She watched him out of the corner of her eye.

 

“I don’t think you’d like being me very much or at least you wouldn’t be good at it, big guy.”

 

He laughed, “Diplomacy isn’t my strong suit. I couldn’t do what you do, Commander. You’re always so calm and kind. No matter how angry or cruel someone is, you’re still so polite, as if nothing bad has ever happened to you.” He grew quiet for a moment and then shook his head at his own thoughts.“I’d like to think nothing ever has, Commander, and that nothing ever will. But I know better and that makes you so much more confusing than anybody has the right to be.”

 

Rhylee turned her back to the core, leaning on the railing for support. 

 

“I don’t like to be mean, Garrus. On the inside, I feel like I’m still just seven years old, sitting on my father’s lap listening to all of his seemingly too grand stories, telling him about the kids at school with their unkind words and cruel ways. He used to tell me, ‘Sweetheart, there’s nothing in this galaxy that can hurt you like the cruelty of people. Just like there’s nothing that can heal you like their love.’”

 

“Your father sounds like a good man,” Garrus said simply.

 

“He is. My mother used to tell me how much I’m like him. My father used to laugh a lot at that and each time he’d say, ‘I think she’s much more like herself, than me.’ My father had a different way of seeing everything. I do, too, or so I’m told,” she said.

 

“What’s your mother like?” he asked, staring intently at the core.

 

“She’s dedicated. More like you, I think. She hates rules, regulations and red tape. Sometimes she gets too caught up in something; sticks to it like glue until it’s finished. She can be naïve though, thinking people are better than they really are. I get that from her. I always see the best in people, even when all they really have are faults,” she said.

 

“Even Saren,” she says, her voice nothing more than a whisper. “I can even see the good in Saren. You wouldn’t think he has any, the way he’s been acting, but it’s there. He just can’t seem to get past, well, the past. He’s angry, and angry people do stupid things. I won’t blame him for being angry, I can’t. But I will blame him for killing innocent people.  _ That _ I  _ can _ blame him for.”

 

“You are naïve, Commander. There’s nothing good about Saren. He’s not angry, he’s evil. He’s a bad person. There aren’t enough pretty words in the galaxy that can change that, Commander. It’s a fact.” Garrus stated, his eyes still centered on the core.

 

She shrugged. “You might be right. But angry people still do stupid things, big guy. Remember that, it could save someone’s life someday.”

 

Now he looked at her; small glaciers that pierced deep into her soul, trying to find something worth seeing beneath the layers of flesh, blood and bone. “I don’t know how you can continue seeing everything with such optimism and kindness. Not after everything that’s happened to you. You should be ruthless, angry, broken and distant,” he said.

 

Her eyes found her bare feet and stared at them like they held the answers to all of life’s biggest questions. 

 

“You’ve been reading about Akuze,” she said hollowly, her voice like the last echo through a canyon.

 

“I don’t know how you’re still here, Commander, not after that. Not after watching your squad die.”

 

“So that’s why there were no lessons tonight. You wanted to talk about Akuze. That’s why we’re in here. You know I like it here, even though I hadn’t told you yet.”—she shook her head,, holding her finger up as Garrus started to speak—“What do you want me to say, big guy? That it was all my fault. I should’ve done better, been better, fought harder. Or maybe you want me to say it was all their fault. They weren’t good enough;  _ they  _ should have fought harder, been better. Maybe you want me to say it was some all-powerful being’s fault,” she said, her voice bubbling with anger. 

 

She locked her eyes on him.

 

“But that’s not true. It wasn’t their fault, and it wasn’t mine, either. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. They did their best and I did mine.  I couldn’t have done it any better, but that doesn’t make the nightmares or seeing the looks on their faces as they died every time I close my eyes, any easier,” she ground out, her body shaking with grief.

 

It was so fluid she didn’t even realize it was happening until she was pressed tightly against his armor, his arms wrapped securely around her, and his head resting on top of her own. He was definitely acting out of character, but she couldn’t deny that she didn’t mind.

 

“Hey, big guy, you mind explaining the sudden urge to try and suffocate your commanding officer?” she said, trying to ease the sadness falling over them like snow, with a bad joke.

 

“You didn’t deserve what happened to you back then, and neither did your squad.”—he sucked in a strangled breath—“I know what it’s like to lose someone, Commander. Especially someone you’re responsible for the safety of, but your whole squad…I can’t imagine. I’m sorry, Commander. I know this is personal…and I shouldn’t have prodded,” he apologized, releasing her.

 

“It’s fine,” she said softly. She noticed she let him get away with more things than she should have, and more things than anyone else ever did, that was for damn sure. “It’s nice to open up to someone about it.”

 

“I’ll always be there when you need me, Commander.”

Awkwardly, she cracked a joke about needing him to fix the Mako before the next ground mission. They shifted off into a discussion about her need to tear the Mako apart, and slowly the conversation dulled into pleasant small talk. He asked about the next move, and she pondered her options with him. Eventually they said their goodnights and headed off to get some sleep.


	4. Strip Tease For Me Baby

Rhylee shoved open the Mako door and jumped down onto the cargo bay floor, tossing her weapons to the ground while storming toward the elevator. Without much effort her fingers crushed against the pressure seals of her armor, letting it crash to the ground in graceless chunks.

 

“You’re just going to storm off? Not even going to slap me or anything? Just strip for me and then go back to your cabin? I didn’t take you for a tease, Commander,” Garrus called from behind her.

 

She spun on her heel and crossed the distance back to him. “You almost got yourself killed. I should throw you off this damn ship; out the damn airlock. What would they do on a turian ship? String you up and flog you? Maybe something more demeaning; like tease you until you’re crying and begging for release?” she shouted at him, getting as much in his face as she could with his towering height.

 

He groaned mockingly, “I love it when you talk dirty to me.”

 

That did it; something snapped inside her and her ungloved hand came across his face with a sound so much more painful than just _smack_. She watched him rub his left mandible.

 

“You used your biotics on me,” he stated, his hand still pressed against his mandible.

 

She dropped her head to see her whole body enveloped in a soft violet glow. Her eyes darted to his, narrowing at him. “I hate you,” she ground out.

 

Rhylee turned back toward the elevator, discarding the last of her armor, padding around in her undersuit.

 

As she stepped into the elevator she could feel Ashley dart in after her, “Permission to speak, Commander.”

 

“Granted,” she answered simply.

 

“You were too hard on Vakarian.”—the words send a pang of guilt through Rhylee—“He was just trying to protect you. I’m not saying what he did was right, but he did save your life back there, Skipper. It’s not exactly in the job description. I can’t say if I had been closer, I wouldn’t have done the same, but he didn’t even flinch,” she audibly shifted in what Rhylee assumed to be embarrassment. “I think he’s got a soft spot for you. Or something.”

 

“Noted, Chief,” was her simple reply.

 

They spent the rest of the slow ride in uncomfortable silence. As the door opened Ashley spoke again, “I think you should consider forgiving him, Commander.”

 

She didn’t reply, just stepped out and moved through the mess hall, toward her room. She didn’t even flinch when Kaidan questioned her odd state of dress. It wasn’t that she wanted to be rude; she was just too riled up and couldn’t risk snapping at another member of her crew. Not when she still felt bad about snapping at the first one.

 

Once in her room she unzipped her undersuit and let it pool at her feet. Rhylee wasn’t shy, or insecure. She would’ve taken all her clothes off in the cargo bay and walked back to her room completely naked, but her undersuit, panties, and bra didn’t have a place anywhere in the cargo bay.

 

She padded across the floor, snatching the robe up off the round table and slipping into it before crashing face first on her bed. She needed a shower, but she couldn’t do that right now.

 

The Alliance didn’t just let the turians influence the CIC design. They also let them design the showers; _gender neutral_ showers. Which meant whenever she decided to shower, she had to deal with random crew members waltzing in and scurrying out like she would eat them alive. She didn’t mind showering alone, but the fact they avoided showering in the same room as her, even in separate stalls, she did mind.

 

The chance she’d snap at the first crewmember to walk in and nearly run out was too high. She’d just stay here.

 

But what Ashley had said kept creeping up on her, threatening to make her break down and cry. She thought about making some of that tea she got for Kaidan, but didn’t want to put clothes on or deal with the crew. So she settled on the sleeping pills Chakwas had given her to help with the nightmares the beam had brought on.

 

She rolled toward the nightstand, yanking open a drawer, and snatching up the bottle. She rose to her feet and popped two in her mouth, swallowing them dry. Until she got tired enough to sleep she figured she would get some work in.

 

It was somewhere between the article about a new species of earth plant that could be grown on other worlds and the one about the implications of vat grown meat being fed to actual cows that she felt herself get heavy, and start to slip out of her chair. Before she had a chance to react she crashed to the floor and fell into a deep slumber.

  


Rhylee Shepard was only vaguely aware of the doors to her quarters opening and closing. Even the calls of what she thought were _Commander_ seemed distant and far away.

 

“Five more minutes,” she thought she’d said.

 

“No, Commander, it’s Garrus. Garrus Vakarian; the only turian on the ship. You’re mad at me right now, remember,” someone who’s voice registered as familiar said.

 

She might’ve said something in reply, but she couldn’t be sure.

 

Her body shifted, being pulled up into a sitting position and rested against something hard. Her face was pulled upward in a way that should’ve been uncomfortable, but she didn’t feel like caring.

 

“Open your eyes, Shepard, c’mon, look at me. It’s Garrus; open your eyes and you can see for yourself,” the same voice said.

 

Her eyes fluttered open to find Garrus staring down at her. “You didn’t call me Commander,” she said, her voice soft like a whisper. Her hand seemed to reach up and touch his face of its own accord.

 

“I guess I didn’t,” he said, his mandibles moving in a smile. “Have you been drinking?” he asked, pulling a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

 

“Sleeping pills,” she answered.

 

“Ah makes sense. I, uh, do have a question, though. You kept calling out for a ‘babe’. In fact you’ve been muttering about it for some time now,” he stated simply.

 

Her brows wrinkled at him, “What do you mean?”

 

“I came by a few times, and you never really moved from this spot on the floor. You seemed pretty far beyond waking up, so I just came back periodically to make sure you weren’t having a seizure or catching fire or melting into a pile of human goo. This is the first time you were responsive. What brought me in was your constant shouting for me, though,” he said with a laugh.

 

“Explain,” she grumbled.

 

“I sort of camped out in the mess. Then you started shouting my name. It’s a good thing the med-bay is pretty sound proof or you’d have Chakwas in here. It’s sweet of you to think of me in your drug induced coma, I have to say. Well me and babe. But I’m pretty sure that’s the name of pig in an old human vid,” he explained, that stupid grin never leaving his face.

 

She sighed, crossing her arms, and looking away from him, “I don’t hate you, just so you know.”

 

“I’m aware.”

 

She pushed her back closer to him, and finally taking notice of his arms around her and the fact she was sitting in his lap. “I don’t know if I’m still mad at you, though. What you did was stupid. Beyond stupid. Just thinking about it makes me want to—”

 

“Tie me to your bed and have your wicked way with me? _That_ is what they would do on a turian ship. If I saved my Commander’s ass, that is. In front of the crew…what happened in the cargo hold is an accurate representation, but later…we’d have some fun,” he interrupted.

 

“We’re not having sex,” she deadpanned.

 

He inhaled sharply in mock pain, “Oh how you wound me. That’s fine. It’s not like you’re scantily dressed, sitting in my lap after calling out for me so loud I think Saren heard.”

 

“Right, because I asked you to come in here and get up and personal with my body.”

 

“I didn’t look, Shepard. I promise. I’m not like that. I wouldn’t. Not without permission. I make jokes, but yes means yes,” he said, his voice more serious than she thought possible.

 

She tilted her head back to look at him, placing her hands on either side of his face, her eyes locked on his. “If I didn’t have Liara,” she trailed off, her voice like the dead.

 

Rhylee wasn’t sure what she’d even meant by that. It seemed to have just slipped out. She couldn’t take it back now, though. She didn’t think she wanted to, either.

 

“If you didn’t have Liara,” he echoed.

 

She fell back asleep after that and when she woke she was alone in her bed, Garrus nowhere to be found.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I typically romance Liara in ME1 and that's part of why she's romanced in this fic.


	5. Tears of an Angel

Rhylee sat still in the passenger seat of the Mako; her mind racing over the recent events. She felt regret over Akuze for the first time in such a long time. The guilt never left her, and manifested itself in her nightmares that constantly brought her to Garrus late at night.

 

“You okay in here, Shepard?” Garrus asked; the Mako door opposite from her pulled open and her best friend peered in. It took a lot of correcting, but he’d taken to calling her Shepard instead of Commander, and she wouldn’t deny she preferred it this way.

 

She studied him for a moment. “Get in,” she said, patting the driver’s seat.

 

He wasted no time; hopping in and yanking the door closed behind him. “Drinking already, Shepard? Isn’t it a little early for that?” he teased, his eyes falling on the bottle between her thighs.

 

“It’s not alcohol,” she said, handing him the bottle of pomdargent juice. “It’s for you. I figured you might like it.”

 

Garrus took the bottle and studied it, the look on his face told her he was going to protest, but he just set it on the floor between his legs. He set his gaze on her, “Do you want to talk about it?”

 

“I wish he was dead, Garrus. It’s selfish, and it’s mean, and it’s nothing like me, but I wish Toombs was dead. I wish he’d died on Akuze. I wish that thresher maw had killed him,” she said, her voice jagged and hoarse.

 

“You don’t mean that, Shepard. I was there. I saw the look on your face when you saw Toombs. You were happy, surprised, sure, but I could tell you were fighting the urge to do that thing you like,” he said, his eyes still on her.

 

_ That thing _ was hugging. She was a hugger. It was something she did a lot with her crew, and they’d all adjusted fine. Even Wrex took to hugging her back. 

 

She shook her head. “No. Not after what he’d said. They ran tests on him, they tortured him. I should’ve shot that damn scientist. Right between the eyes, and left him there to rot,” she ground out.

 

“You don’t mean that either and you know it.”

 

She raked her fingers through her hair. “Maybe you’re right, big guy,” she said with a sigh.

 

“Have I ever told you about how my parents met?” he asked, seemingly out of the blue. 

 

Her eyes snapped to him, “No.”

 

“It’s a good story,” he promised.

 

“Tell it then, big guy. Don’t keep me in suspense.”

 

“He rescued her. A couple of drunken turians were harassing her at some shady bar. My father stepped in; pretending to be completely hammered and spilled his drink on one of them. When they were preoccupied by the drink covering their tunic, he pulled his gun on them. They ran like their asses were on fire. The way my mother tells it; he’s been rescuing her every day since,” he let out a soft laugh. “She’s a romantic.”

 

She smiled at him, “You’ve never talked about your mother before.”

 

“Yeah, I know. I don’t talk about my mother or my sister very often, I don’t know why, really.”

 

“Tell me more about her, big guy. Your mother, I mean,” she said, her voice warm and curious.

 

“For the most part, she’s scared of her own shadow, hates conflict, but she’s always been a good story teller. She’s a teacher back on Palaven. She’s too kind for her own good, in some ways she’s kind of like you; always seeing the good in people. She doesn’t take any bullshit, either. You step out of line, and she’ll put you in your place, even if she goes back to being scared of her shadow afterward. My mother has always been there for me and Solana, always supported our dreams,” he said, flickering a turian smile at her.

 

Rhylee pulled her legs up against her chest, shifting her body toward him. “I’d like to meet her sometime.” She eyed him for a minute, “And your sister…what’s she like?”

 

“Solana? She’s gotten to be very independent. That’s what happens when you’ve been babied your whole life, I guess. She’s good with a gun, but not so much with her fists. After her required time with the military, she moved back to Palaven and works as a nurse. Solana likes helping other people; feeling needed,” he said, the smile not leaving his face.

 

A wicked grin crossed her face, “So what about you, then? We don’t talk about you enough.”

 

He huffed out a laugh, “You want to talk about me? You’re my commanding officer; shouldn’t you have access to my file?”

 

She did, and she wouldn’t deny she’d read it so many times she had it memorized. He was an expert at CQC, but his real selling point was his mastery of the sniper rifle. She’d seen him wielding it on the battlefield. No enemy ever got close enough for him to put CQC to use.

 

“You’re more than written words, big guy. Indulge me,” she said, resting her chin on her knees.

 

Garrus sighed in submission, his gaze shifting around the Mako. “What do you want to know, Shepard?”

 

She tapped her chin in mock thought, “Let’s start with…your relationship status. You got a girl worth fighting for back home?” She’d always loved that old cartoon vid.

 

“No. I never really stayed with one woman for long. Never really been in a relationship, either. That’s not to say I haven’t had my share of bedfellows, though.”

 

She snorted a laugh involuntarily at the word her translator had chosen.  _ Bedfellow? Did anyone say that word anymore?  _ It was better than fuck-buddy, she would admit, but friends with benefits worked just as well. Rhylee tried not to dwell on it, though.

 

“I’m going to take a wild guess and say you’ve never crossed the species barrier,” she said, jabbing his armored thigh with her bare toes.

 

“What gave it away?” he asked.

 

“Something in the way you swing your hips,” she quipped. “If I didn’t have Liara, I might just show you what you’ve been missing.”

 

“Speaking of Liara…” he trailed off.

 

She shook her head, “No. We’re not talking about Liara, big guy. Nice try, but you’re still the subject of this conversation.”

 

He leaned back in his seat, his fringe hanging over the top of the chair. “What do you want me to tell you about now?”

 

His eyes were caught on the ceiling of the Mako. He looked so relaxed and peaceful like she’d never seen before. Maybe she just didn’t pay enough attention. Maybe he looked like that all the time, but she was just so wrapped up in herself and her problems that she didn’t catch it until now. She stayed silent for a while, just a few minutes. She wanted to remember him like this. Peaceful, happy even.

 

“Me,” she blurted. “Tell me about me.”

 

It was a stupid and confusing statement. It was childish, too. Who else asked something like that and expected an honest answer? Children; children asked stupid questions like that.

 

“I didn’t think we would get along at first. If you were a turian, you would’ve been able to tell. You’re a spectre who plays by rules that you don’t have. You and your diplomacy; I thought we’d never get around to actually killing anything. Sometimes I thought you might even try to talk down geth,” he said, failing at holding back his laughter. “And when you wouldn’t let me kill Saeleon—I was tempted to get off the ship at the nearest port.”

 

“What stopped you?” she asked, in awe of his honesty. It was probably just a turian thing, but she liked to think it was  _ his  _ thing.

 

He scoffed to himself, “I thought about how fragile you can get with me. I’ve never met anyone who lets their guard down like that. It might’ve just been instinct, but I realized I couldn’t let you out of my sight. I don’t want to. I want to protect you. I know you don’t need any protecting, but I can’t help it.”

 

Part of her wanted to melt into a pool of happy goo, but the other part was caught on the word  _ instinct. _

 

“Instinct? What do you mean?”

 

He made a humming sound deep in his chest that seemed to roll off him in waves, crashing into her. “Turians are predators, we’re territorial. We only ever have one  _ bondmate _ , that doesn’t mean we can’t have more than one mate, but we bond once and that’s the end of it. There isn’t a word for it in your language but you’re my  **_translator error_ ** . The best comparison I can make is best friend, but it really doesn’t come close. I can’t put it into words that will make you understand, Shepard, but I promise you’re important to me.”

 

Rhylee felt warm and fuzzy and endlessly happy. He hadn’t answered her question, though. In fact, he’d run circles around her question and then ended up in a different galaxy, but she decided that was fine with her.

 

“You’re important to me, too, Garrus,” she said, looking up at him from where she’d ducked her head behind her legs to hide her blush.

 

Something swirled into her pool of emotions. Something beyond warm, fuzzy, and happy. Something wordless; and that wordless thing sent a pang of guilt through her.

 

Her mind chose that moment to bring Liara to the front of her mind, furthering the guilt. Had she made a mistake? Had she chosen wrong? Had her mind fallen for someone and her heart fallen for someone else? She didn’t love Garrus. He was her friend.

 

“I hate you,” she said, not leaving her place behind her legs.

 

He laughed, “I know. It’s good because I hate you too, Shepard. I hate you a lot.”

 

They sat in silence for a long time. Until her emotions had gotten the better of her and she made some lame excuse about needing to get some rest.

 

The nightmares came for her again that night, this time they brought something new. This time she was madly and irrevocably in love with Garrus, but before she had the chance to tell him; she died. She woke screaming, gasping, and drenched in sweat. The rest of the night was spent fighting her tiredness lest the nightmare tear at her again.


	6. One Grain of Sand

She sat in  _ his _ spot, on her knees, her face cradled in her hands. Her voice echoed through her head, bouncing around her skull in a most painful way.

 

_ “Goodbye, Kaidan.”  _

 

Even now the tears threatened to make their appearance. It was his words that made her tremble in pain, sadness, and what could only be described as fear.

 

_ “You’ve never called me by my first name before, Commander. It was an honor to serve with you.” _

 

Saren and his words dug deep into her, carving her up. The way he’d wrapped his talons around her throat and nearly snapped her neck. She wrapped her own hands around her neck now, feeling the little scabs from his talons. He was so angry, but still somehow scared, and that shook her to her core.

 

She needed to take down Sovereign. Saren was just a tool, a naïve tool. Her body shook with the sobs she couldn’t hold back. She didn’t care who saw. No one was strong enough for the things she had to endure. The people she lost; Alenko, Kirrahe, Jenkins, her squad on Akuze. The things she’d seen; a thresher maw slaughter her squad, her lieutenant reduced to ash on Virmire. She’d seen too much, felt too much.

 

“Somehow I expected Liara would be here to comfort you, but sometimes friends are better than lovers,” Garrus’ distinct dual-toned voice said from behind her. When she didn’t respond she heard the sound of him coming down to his knees beside her. His arm slid around her, pulling her against him.

 

“There was nothing you could do to save him, Shepard. We’ll get Saren, though. We’ll take him down, give him what he deserves. We’ll get payback,” he said, trying his best at comforting.

 

She shook her head, “I don’t want payback. Not against Saren. He’s just as scared as I am, Garrus. Just as angry. Something those two emotions have in common is that they make us do stupid things. I can’t fight scared, Garrus. I can’t get anyone else killed.”

 

He sighed, pulling her into his arms, cradling her. “You just need sleep, Shepard. You’ll feel better after some rest.” With grace and strength that only belonged to Garrus; he rose to his feet in one move, not letting her out of his arms as he carried her to her room.

 

Gently he put her on the bed. “Get some rest,” he said, turning to leave. He winced as he put weight on his right leg. It was slight, barely noticeable, but she’d caught it.

 

She reached up and gripped the armor at his carapace, pulling him back. The sound he made as he collided with her mattress made her cringe. “You’re hurt,” she said.

 

“And you just tried to kill me. What’s your point?” he asked, looking up at her innocently.

 

She rolled her eyes, “Just get the rest of your too tall ass on my bed.”

 

He complied and she moved over to his right leg, starting at the pressure seals on his armor. “I don’t know why you wear this on the ship. You and Wrex both do it, and I never understood it.”

 

“It’s cold here. Turians and krogan run hotter than most species, we come from hotter planets, too. Most places are too cold for us. Our armor keeps us warm,” he explained, wincing as she prodded his leg.

 

“You didn’t break anything. It’s sprained, though. I can help you with the pain, but you’re going to want to go to Chakwas if you want any real medical help,” she said, chewing her lip.

 

He looked at her curiously, “How are you going to help with the pain?”

 

“Stay still,” she ordered, placing her hands on his calves. Her fingers started to glow soft violet.

 

Garrus let out a moan, and she couldn’t help a laugh. She ran her hand gently along his leg over the undersuit. It was thin enough her biotics could get through.

 

His moans got louder and more urgent. “Shepard,” he purred, “don’t…st—stop.” He writhed under her, and she couldn’t suppress her giggles.

 

It went on like that for a few minutes. Then he went still and silent as a stone. Garrus looked up at her. “What happened?” he asked.

 

Rhylee smiled at him, “It’s a trick an asari taught me. It’s usually used during sex. Basically all I did was over stimulate the nerves in your leg, effectively numbing it. You’re welcome by the way.”

 

He threw his head back against the bed. “Spirits that felt good,” he said, his breathing heavy.

 

“Sorry, big guy, but I know you and if I went to sleep now you’d never have gone to Chakwas. This way you’re stuck here until I’m done napping,” she said, patting his leg, and feeling a sense of pride when he didn’t even flinch.

 

“Do that again and I’ll never leave this room,” he said, still unable to control his breathing.

 

She slid up toward her pillows and rested her head on them. “Such a flirt. Too bad I hate you,” she said with mock regret.

 

“Really? Here I was about to propose to you. Good thing you saved me the embarrassment, huh?” he said with an awkward laugh.

 

“I could numb your face, big guy. You’d probably end up biting off your own tongue,” she threatened.

 

“Just one more time, and I’ll let you sleep. Deal?”

 

She sat up. “Where?” she asked.

 

He went for the pressure seals on his chest plate, tossing it to the floor with his leg armor.

 

She rolled her eyes and trailed her fingers along his chest. Instantly he arched into her touch. It wasn’t long before he was moaning again.

 

“Shh—shheparrrd,” he purred.

 

She shook her head to herself, “I might as well have given you red sand.”

 

He chuckled and bucked, forcing her to choke back her own laughter. “Doess thiss counnt ass cheeeating?” he drawled, arching up into her biotics again.

 

She eyed him for a minute, considering. “Only if you come,” she said finally.

 

“Evil woman,” he complained. “I hate you.”

 

“I know. I hate you, too.”

 

She continued until he was begging, his talons tangled in the sheets, and she kicked it up a notch. He stilled, his eyes closed.

 

“So…heavy,” he slurred.

 

“Your entire body is numbed, big guy. It’s in your best interest to shut up and go to sleep. It’ll wear off in a few hours.”

 

“Thank you, Shepard,” he slurred again, shivering.

 

She flopped back against the pillows, “If you weren’t such a good friend to me, I would’ve told you to go to hell. I still think red sand would’ve been a better option, though.”

 

He laughed and dropped off. Rhylee was quick to follow.


	7. Lips of an Angel

It was too hard on him, and he forced himself to recognize why. He forced himself to quit letting the lines blur and made them clear; taking responsibility for crossing the line. He’d still lie to everyone else, but not to himself. Not anymore. He had to be honest with himself.

 

“I love her,” Garrus Vakarian said, his balled fist slamming it into his kitchen counter once more. 

 

He’d already cracked the surface far beyond repair. It would have to be replaced. He spun, taking a swing at the wall. He could’ve saved her. He could’ve been there and kept her from being spaced. His throat hurt from all the sounds he’d been making since he found out she’d died. He’d alternated from growling and roars of anger and frustration to cries of sadness and mourning. After several attempts to continue his growling and roaring, he fell to the floor, finally defeated by his depression.

 

What was he doing now? What was he training for? What was he working for? What was C-Sec and Spectre training for now? He let out a depressing attempt at a mourning cry. Maybe he’d just lay here on the kitchen floor forever. Maybe he’d just lay here and collect dust until he starved to death or died from loss. It could happen. Losing Commander Rhylee Shepard, the woman he didn’t even realize he loved until she died, might just be the thing to kill him. That was somehow a comforting thought for him. So he shifted into a more comfortable position on the floor and fell into a nightmare infested sleep.

 

It was harder after the crew returned. After seeing Joker and Ashley and hearing the crippled man cry so fiercely and painfully, Garrus had to refrain from breaking out in another fit. Seeing Liara again was the hardest, he would admit. Seeing his love’s love before him; broken and sad. Part of him reveled in it; loved seeing her in agony, but the other part of him knew better and felt her pain as strongly if not stronger. He couldn’t talk to her for more than a few minutes at a time and found himself unable to make eye contact.

 

It somehow managed to become harder on him when Wrex and Tali came to the Citadel for the funeral. Tali was a wreck, and Wrex didn’t seem to be in much better condition than anyone else, but he was the best at hiding it. He still couldn’t decide if the actual funeral was the best or worst part of the whole ordeal. Everyone got a chance to say something about Shepard, and no one held back their tears. Even Shepard’s parents were there; William and Hannah Shepard. 

 

Their speech was artful as they took turns speaking, the timing so perfect it seemed like one person was speaking in different voices. Tali had started to ramble on about something no one could understand through her crying and Hannah politely brought her off the stage. Wrex and Ashley let tears fall, but kept steady voices and focused faces throughout both their speeches. Liara even managed to keep herself from crumbling into a sobbing mess. Garrus himself, on the other hand, wasn’t quite as talented. He took to the podium, and glanced behind him at the closed coffin that held no remains.

 

“Thank you,” he said before turning to face the gathering of friends, family and crew before him.

 

Solana even sat in the corner beside his now empty seat. Rhylee would’ve liked her. His sister made a gesture urging him to continue.

 

“Commander Shepard,” he started, but stopped. He had a whole speech prepared.

 

_ “You’re not going to get all official at my funeral are you? You’ve got to be kidding. You know me better than anyone. Prove it, big guy,” _ said that perfect voice from somewhere behind him.

 

He filed it away for later. He couldn’t have all these people thinking his Commander’s death had turned him into a total nutcase.

 

“I think it’s safe to say we all loved Rhylee. With her unique approach to everything and her strange human ways,” he began, liking the way the aliens before him laughed quietly despite their sorrow. “And I know she loved us, too. Even with our  _ quirks _ and differences in opinion. She was a caring person who was more likely to save a merc rather than kill a merc. Rhylee was weird. She was human and she was weird, but she made all of us—not just her crew—better people by being our friend and creating our  _ family. _ ”

 

The people before him seemed to freeze for a moment; like his words had somehow offended them, or somehow brought on another wave of pain and sadness. Even the claps of human praise seemed to be heavier and more depressed than they had been.

 

Garrus scurried back to his seat, unsettled by recent events.

 

_ “It was good. I could’ve done better. You could’ve done better. But there are no second chances here, huh, big guy?” _ that same perfect voice questioned.

 

His head spun around, looking for the source. 

 

_ Maybe he was crazy. Maybe he was crazy. Maybe he was crazy. Maybe he was crazy,  _ the thought pounded on his skull, begging for him to cry and fall to his knees in defeat.  _ Crazy. Crazy. Crazy. Crazy. _

 

The last of the speeches moved by quickly, and despite his deep craving to be back in his banged up apartment, Shepard’s parents intercepted him. Garrus didn’t know why they wanted to talk to him, but they did. So they sat and he listened; answering questions as they came. Soon they had him laughing and asking his own questions. He needed this somehow. He needed these people to remind him of her, even if they were still grief stricken and fighting back tears with painful bites on their lips.

 

“Rhy would’ve liked your speech, Garrus,” Hannah said, her lips curled into a smile, but her eyes putting her true feelings on display. She patted his knee gently before pulling back into her place against William.

 

“What’re you talkin’ ‘bout ‘annah? She woulda loved that speech! Mighty fine speech, boy! If I didn’t know betta I’d say you and Rhy were having a good shag between missions!” William said with a laugh.

 

At least he knew where her bluntness came from now.

 

“Will!” Hannah exclaimed, beating her husband on the chest once. “Cut it out! You’re going to freak the poor thing out!”

 

William dissolved, “Ah, sorry, Garrus. My father was a lot like that, and sometimes acting like he would in certain situations…eases things. He was a brit; a very blunt, free spirited brit. We’ve all got our quirks, right?”

 

Garrus nodded. “Rhylee and I weren’t…how’d you put it? Rugging?”

 

The couple before him nearly fell to the floor in laughter.

 

“Translators can be awful things, can’t they?” William asked rhetorically. 

 

Garrus liked William. He was a lot like Rhylee. Hannah was too; in her own way of course.

 

After too much drink and not quite enough talk, Garrus had to take his leave. Solana had tried to drink Wrex under the table and ended up half conscious; raving about a pretty red sun she was orbiting.

 

He parked his barely awake sister on the couch and headed off to his room for another night of trying not to sleep, failing miserably, and being bombarded by nightmares he could never quite shake.

 

“Farrus! Gargus! Gaff—just come hurr you…you…Garrup!” Solana called from his living room.

 

Begrudgingly he went back out to the living space to find his sister half on the couch and half flopped on the floor. “What?” he asked, sure he already knew the answer.

 

“You flubbed…glubbed…mmm…lubbed her. You lubbed her dinnet you?” Solana asked from her decidedly uncomfortable position half on the couch and half on the floor.

 

“I’m going back to bed,” he avoided, turning away.

 

“Mwait! Mwait!” she cried out, struggling for the right sounds to the words she wanted to say. “I men it! You lubbed Commaner…mep…no…Sheprard! You lubbed her and ow you’re sowy you missted your shot! You let that awowy have her, and now you can nebar hab her.”

 

His sister wasn’t wrong. She might’ve been far beyond smashed, but she wasn’t wrong. “You’re not going to remember any of this in the morning, Sol. Go to sleep.”

 

“Exahly! You cam twell me anyfing and I won’t remembrar! So twell me!” she shrieked, flailing her arms at him awkwardly.

 

He had to admit it was appealing. So appealing he took the gift horse’s mouth, as humans say.

 

It was almost morning by the time he’d finished. His sister had long ago fallen asleep, but he’d kept talking.

 

After his sister left his nightmares crept their way into reality. The bloody and beaten Shepard who so often appeared in his nightmares followed him everywhere he went calling for him, asking where he was and why he hadn’t saved her.

 

He was losing his mind; afraid he’d never find it again.


	8. Where's Your Head At?

_ In a kaleidoscope I hide my hope _

_ When I open my eyes I fall _

_ I’m drowning, drowning _

_ In her _

 

“In her scent, in her eyes, in her sweet and beautiful disguise,” he sings along now. “In the darkness of her heart, that’s where I lay to depart,” he continues, nursing his drink.

 

_ In a kaleidoscope I lose my hope _

_ I fall _

_ And my eyes, they open to find her _

 

“Kissing another man, loving him with all she has, her body shivering, and her fingers quivering. She’s ready, and she’s waiting. She’s hungry, and I’m debating whether or not to screeeaaaam,” he finishes, letting the song continue on without him.

 

“You’re pretty good,” the red-headed woman behind the counter he’s thought about fucking for the past week says. “At singing, I mean. Turian thing, huh? You’re all good singers, but none of you ever pursue it.”

 

It was true; no turian would deny they had superior vocal cords best for carrying tunes, but no turian would make a career out of it either. Her name was Sarah or Clara or something, he couldn’t remember with that much alcohol in his system. He just called her  _ the almost Shepard. _

 

“It’s Ara, remember?” she asked, looking at him with those emerald green eyes much like Shepard’s. Her hair was almost flame red, too. Her skin wasn’t quite as pale, but it’d be a perfect place for his talons to leave scrapes and scratches.

 

He nodded like he knew that already. “Mm, pretty name for a pretty girl,” he said, using an age old line he’d heard in a vid once.

 

She laughed, “Are you hitting on me, handsome? Is that why I see you in here every time I’m on shift?”

 

“Just a bit,” he answered.

 

Ara eyes him for a minute, appraising him almost. “My shift ends in twenty, but I can skip out now if you wanna go back to your place,” she said with a smirk.

 

It’s everything he’s wanted. Almost. It’s almost everything he’s ever wanted. His  _ almost Shepard  _ wanting him.  _ Almost. _

 

_ “That’s a lot of almost. She’s almost me, huh, big guy? Are you almost going to screw her, too? Just to complete the list of  _ Almosts _ ,” _ his Shepard said to him.

 

No, he wouldn’t lose his chance again. 

 

It was all heat. The way she tore at his tunic like a wild cat, the way he tugged her shirt over her head and pushed her back against the bed. He was on her in an instant, pressing his mouth plates to her lips. They were bare in seconds, and he felt fire in his blood. She seemed to want him just as bad as he wanted her. She cried out for him, clawing for him with her dull little nails. She begged for release, pulling him back to her mouth every time he started to wander. 

 

“ _ Please _ ,” she’d repeat like a mantra. He wanted to hear his name. He  _ needed  _ to hear his name.

 

He was slipping. He was going to succumb to the beast any moment and his poor  _ almost Shepard _ would be left a bleeding mess. 

 

“My…my name,” he rasped, delving deep into her with more urgency. “I need you to…Spirits…say my…my name.”

 

She struggled to find words. 

 

“Garrus,” she whimpered, “Garrus.”

 

He came then, roaring and digging his talons into her hips until he saw blood.

 

“Hey, handsome, mind letting go?” she asked.

 

Garrus was vaguely aware of the fact he’d passed out for a minute. 

 

“Yeah,” he muttered pulling his hands to his sides.

 

He blinked to find Ara still sitting on him; blood dripping from her waist, shoulders, arms, and thighs. She was a mess. Part of him knew if she wasn’t  _ almost Shepard _ he’d be in a panic, searching for every ounce of medi-gel he had, apologizing until the sun came up. But this was Ara, and he didn’t care about Ara.

 

“You going to be okay?” he asked because felt that he should, not because he cared about the answer. It was cruel, but true; and he wanted to kill himself for it.

 

She shrugged, “Nothing I can’t handle.” 

 

Maybe she didn’t care either. After a short silence she smiled politely at him.

 

“I know,” she said simply. “Why you picked me, I mean. I know why you watched me and not one of the other girls. I’ve been told I look like her. Commander Shepard, I mean. She’s prettier, though. At least I think so.” She rolled off him and lay at his side, propped up on her elbow. “I bet you think so, too. You loved her, huh? Shepard, I mean. You didn’t really want me. You wanted her.”

 

Part of him was ready to lie, but most of him wanted to be honest. “Yes,” he said simply. He didn’t want to hurt her, but he couldn’t pretend Ara could measure up to Shepard on any level.

 

She nodded slowly. “I knew that when I suggested this. I just thought I might have a shot at making you feel better. Better enough to let me stay,” she laughed hoarsely.

 

Spirits, he’d made her cry.

 

_ “So without me, you’re an asshole? Just, for my sake, pretend to care long enough to get the poor girl out of your apartment and into a cab,” _ Shepard whispered to him.

 

He couldn’t. He realized he didn’t care about anything anymore, just Shepard and she was gone. “I leave for Omega in the morning, Ara.”

 

And so he did, after he patched up Ara and gave her some creds for a cab, of course. He booked a flight to the station of Omega.

 

What a shithole.


	9. Hanging by a Moment

She was a beast now; a freak, something unnatural, inhuman. Her fingers raked through her hair. It was longer now, grown beyond regulation Alliance length. She twirled a tendril around her finger and reveled in how real it felt;  _ her  _ hair. Her hands moved to run down her arms;  _ her  _ arms. Awkwardly she grabbed her breasts, testing the firmness and size. Bigger; her breasts were bigger. But they were  _ hers _ . She smiled. Maybe she wasn’t a freak. Unnatural, sure, but she was herself. Her smile widened and she sprawled across her cabin floor. 

 

“Unnatural, human, alive,” she repeated like a mantra. “Unnatural, human, alive.”

 

“Commander, I would like to inform you we have arrived at the Omega Space Station,” EDI said just as Rhylee was beginning to doze. 

  
“Round up Jacob and Miranda, EDI. I’ll meet them in the airlock.”

 

* * *

 

_ “Just be gentle with Archangel. He’s a lost soul.” _

Rhylee tried to ignore the last words Aria had said before she’d left to rescue Archangel’s ass.

“Fuck!” Zaeed shouted. 

“What now?” Rhylee ground out. Zaeed was chatty, and most of his stories started with an expletive. 

“He shot me! We’re on your side!” he shouted up the stairwell.

“Would you pipe the fuck down? You’re going to get us killed!” she shouted back, marching down the hall grumpily, gun in hand.

Carefully she opened the door to reveal a massive turian crouched on the floor, helmet on and sniper rifle in hand. He held his finger up and with a sound like thunder he shot a merc Rhylee had somehow missed. Slowly, much like in a movie, he rose to his feet and removed his helmet.

Vakarian. Garrus Vakarian stood before her like a god stood before his worshippers. Her heart stopped. Maybe his did, too. And in a dreamland where everything worked out, she was in love with him and he was in love with her and they loved and dreamed and wished and were happy. But this is no dreamland. And she wasn’t in love.

Without a second thought she threw herself at him, engulfing him in her arms. “You horrid, horrid beast, you,” she whined, cinching her arms around his chest like a corset.

He laughed, and her heart skipped a beat. “I missed you, too, Shepard,” he said. “If you don’t mind me asking…how are you—there’s no delicate way to put this—alive?”

“Cerberus,” she said, her voice less than a whisper.

After all of these years, he must’ve remembered Cerberus, because he pulled her tighter against him and whispered in her ear, “I’m so sorry.”

Awkwardly, she pulled away. “So, you managed to get every major mercenary organization to put aside their differences and try to kill you. Good job big guy.” She turned to her squad mates. “Let’s kick some ass!”

 

* * *

 

“No, no, no, no,” she muttered. “Stay here, shhh shhh, don’t talk. Just shut up! Quit fucking talking! You’ll be fine, okay? Shhh,” she said, trying to staunch the flow of blood. 

“I don’t care! Call fucking Aria if you have to! Just get a damn shuttle and Chakwas ASAP, Zaeed!” she shouted.

Zaeed scurried off, leaving her with her dying friend.

“Shepa—Sheparrd,” Garrus rasped. “Shhit. I dinnet want to say it lihke thiss.”

“I said shut up, goddamn it!” she shrieked.

Feebly he reached up to touch her cheek, “Don’t cry. I juss need to say thiss in case. I—I hate you, Shepard. A lot.”

She managed a laugh. “I hate you, too. Now shush. Just lay still. We’ll take care of you, okay? It’s all going to be okay.”

“One more thing, Shepard,” he managed, his breathing harder now. “I—Spirits—I thought abouht you every day since you died. I want you, Sshepard. I—”

“Stop talking for god’s sake! We can talk about sex later! Now is so not the time! Garrus? Hey, open your eyes big guy. Garrus? C’mon that’s not funny. Garrus!”

 

* * *

 

She’d been kicked out of the Med-bay and forced to find somewhere else to pace; she chose the Comm room. “What’s his status EDI?” she asked again.

“Status still unknown, Commander. Chakwas has not given me an update in two hours and fourty three minutes,” EDI chimed.

“Do you think he’ll be okay, EDI?”

“I do not know, Commander.”

“Call me Shepard, EDI. I’m not really a Commander anymore. Not really a spectre either, I guess. I’m just Shepard now, okay?”

“Yes, Shepard.”

Just then the door opened to reveal Garrus, looking torn to hell and back.

She jumped off the table and ran into his arms; instantly they wrapped around her. “You scared me,” she choked out, unable to hide her tears. She was allowed this break down. “Don’t do that ever again. Don’t ever put yourself in danger like that. I can’t lose you. I won’t lose you. Do you hear me, Garrus?”

“As long as you don’t die again,” he whispered.

“Deal,” she whispered back.

She pulled her head back to look up at her best friend. She did love him, quite a bit. As her best friend, only, of course. “You were saying something before. About…wanting me,” she felt her cheeks flush.

He laughed and then let out a growl in pain. “Oh, don’t make me laugh. Still hurts,” he said, flicking an awkward smile at her. “I did say something about that, didn’t I? Well, you know me, I try to be honest.”

“So you meant what you said,” she said, a little shocked.

“I wouldn’t lie to you.”

  
But he was. He was lying. He didn’t just want her. He  _ loved  _ her. He needed to say it, but he couldn’t, because he knew her too well. He knew how she saw him. As her friend. You don’t love your friend the way he loved her.


	10. High for This

“You got time to talk, big guy?” Rhylee asked, moving to sit on the crates in the corner, watching him out of the corner of her eye. “And don’t give me that calibrations bullshit again.”

 

Garrus laughed and turned to face her now seated form. “Need something?”

 

“Just a little chat. I’m not allowed to talk to my best friend without a reason, anymore?” she said with a quirk of her lips.

 

_ No, _ he thought.  _ No because I don’t want to be your friend. And you know that now. You know I want to make love to you on this console, on those crates, in the mess hall, in your room, and every other inch of the ship. Because now that you’re here, I need you like plants need sunlight and animals need oxygen. I need you, and I can’t have you. Because I love you, and you don’t love me. _

 

But he didn’t say that. “Sure, whatever you need, Shepard. As long as there’s something in it for me,” he said with a smirk.

 

She knew she was being tricked, but there’s something delicious in trickery. “What do you want?” she asked, honestly curious.

 

“Your biotics, I want you to do that thing on me again,” he said, a devilish grin kissing his mandibles.

 

“Deal,” she spouted before thinking. She rose to her feet and reached her hand to touch the unscarred side of his face. Wickedly she snatched the visor from him and held it in her hands. Delicately, as if touching the petals of a flower she traced the names, memorizing each letter: Erash, Monteague, Mierin, Grundan Krul, Melanis, Ripper, Sensat, Vortash, Butler, Weaver,  Sidonis . She lingered on the last name, her heart sinking deeper each second.

 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered hoarsely.

 

“It’s not your fault, Shepard. It’s mine. Don’t apologize,” he said, his voice quieter.

 

She shook her head, “No. I’m sorry for what I think about Sidonis. I—I don’t think he’s a bad person. I think he was just afraid. I’d bet every credit I have he wants to die now just as much as you want to kill him. I feel…sorry for him.”

 

With lightning speed and unnatural grace that belonged to only Garrus, he pushed her into the door, pinning her there with his long arms. “He’s a monster,” he whispered, his voice gravelly, and…seductive? Was that right? Seductive? “He deserves to die, Shepard. One day, I’ll kill him and—Spirits save me—I’ll savor every second of it.”

 

Yes. Definitely seductive.

 

“Garrus,” she managed through the heat enveloping her body. Was that him? Radiating that heat? He could melt the whole of Antarctica with heat like that. She’d never noticed it before. “That’s not justice, that’s revenge.”

 

He let out a primal growl, “I don’t want justice.”

 

She stole a glance into his eyes and found herself caught. “Garrus,” she muttered, unsure if sound was actually coming out of her mouth or not. “I don’t mean to be rude, but I think this conversation has reached its end.”

 

He pulled back, a dark laugh escaping him, “Anything you want Shepard.”

 

Smiling gently she raised the visor and put it back on him. Without a second thought she pressed her hand to his mandibles and let her hand glow soft violet.

 

Gracelessly, he started to topple, wrapping his arms around her waist for support. “Spirits, that’s…better than I—I remember it being,” he said, beginning to purr. “Shepurrrd,” he murmured.

 

“Want me to stop?” she asked, sliding her hand around to the place where fringe met his skull.

 

Soon he was all wanton moans and pleas for ‘more’. 

 

“I—I’m so close, Shepard. You can stop if you want to,” he slurred, his words sounding longer and more drawn out.

 

“Mm, I think I’ll keep going. Just for a minute.”

 

By now he was on his knees, kneeling before her like a slave before the master. “Shepard!” he cried, going limp and crashing to the floor.

 

“Garrus! Are you okay?” she asked, dropping down to his side.

 

His head lolled up and down. “So good,” he muttered. “So tired.”

 

She let out a laugh, “Go to sleep. It’ll wear off…soon…probably. With my upgrades you might not be ready in time for the next mission. Still, just go to sleep.”

 

“Sure, Shhhhepard.”

 

Soon the main battery was filled with snores of the sleeping turian. Rhylee decided to watch him just in case anything happened, that and sleeping turians are almost as cute as sleeping kittens.


	11. Bad Day

Stupid Ashley. Who did she think she was? Acting all high and mighty like she’d never done any wrong, like she never owed someone a debt. It was silly to dwell on it, really, but Rhylee couldn’t help herself. 

 

She sighed and rested her head on her desk, peaking up at the picture of Liara. She missed her so much. Poor innocent little Liara. How had she dealt with her death? Was it brutally painful or had she moved on quickly and found someone to replace her? They would be arriving at Illium soon and she’d find out.

 

“I knocked, but you didn’t answer,” said  _ his  _ voice somewhere behind her.

 

Every time they got too close the air got thicker, heavier and the room got hotter. Her heart would pound and her breathing would get erratic. Heaven forbid they touched. Even through armor he could almost burn her skin with his heat. It was crazy, but it was like back when she was young and she had a crush. 

 

_ Butterflies. _

 

She swallowed down the thought and silently prayed her stomach acid would murder those damn butterflies.

 

“So naturally you just barged in,” she replied, turning to face him.

 

Unfortunately the butterflies did not die. They in fact seemed to flutter alive and merciless inside her.

 

“Naturally,” he echoed.

 

She sighed, “I’m sorry for being snippy. Just stressed is all. What do you do to relieve stress?”

 

A moment too late she realized how blindly she’d just walked into that one. 

 

Garrus laughed, “Sex is generally a good solution. I remember one time me and Aria—”

 

“Wait, you and who?” she asked, praying to all the gods who would listen he had not just said  _ Aria _ .

 

“Aria,” he clarified, “T’Loak.” 

 

Garrus was fast, but Rhylee was smaller and more flexible. She moved in and her hand came down hard on his good mandible. “You fucked Aria?!” she shrieked.

 

“It’s not a big deal. It was just a few times. She gave me that hideout in exchange. Spirits don’t get your panties in a bunch,” he said.

 

She shoved him, putting biotics into it. “You fucking fucked Aria and you didn’t think it might be important information!” He stumbled back, nearly shattering the fish tank.

 

“You just used your biotics on me,” he said, shocked.

 

“Oh you love it!” she snarled, furious.

 

In an instant he was on her, one hand on her waist and the other in her hair. His mouth plates pressed against her lips and all she could feel was the heat he radiated. Slowly, he parted her lips with his and his tongue snaked its way into her mouth. Savagely they kissed like it was the last kiss either of them would ever have.

 

Her fingers found the cluster of nerves where his fringe and scalp met. He moaned into her mouth and she laughed back.

 

It was over even quicker than it’d begun. She pulled away, horrified at what she’d just done. She was a cheater for sure now. No matter what she tried to chock it up to, she was a cheater and there was no denying it.

 

But did she love him? No. No. She didn’t  _ love  _ him.

 

“That was wrong,” she murmured. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

 

“Like hell, Shepard. If that was anything it was right. Spirits that was right,” he said; out of breath.

 

“I love Liara, Garrus. I can’t do this. It’s not my thing. I’m no cheater, big guy,” she said, looking away from him. She couldn’t look into those glacier blue eyes.

 

He nodded like he understood. “I get it. I wasn’t even proposing anything. It just happened. Heat of the moment, I guess. That’s fine.”

 

He left without another word; and so Rhylee was left alone with her thoughts.


	12. Crazy Bitch

She sat in her cabin, on the floor against her desk facing her fish. It was a good a place as any to sulk. Her girlfriend was half way across the galaxy with a relatively attractive drell and her best friend now hated her.

 

She hadn’t let Garrus kill Sidonis. She saved him, and in the process made Garrus hate her. It wasn’t that she wanted to upset him, she just didn’t see what could be accomplished by murdering some scared, half alive turian with nothing to live for.

 

Rhylee buried her head in her hands, remembering the last thing he’d said to her.

 

_ “Don’t ever come crying to me, ever again, Shepard. Stay away from me.” _

 

She broke, and the tears poured from her eyes.

 

Just then the doors to her cabin opened and she was met with the sound of someone storming toward her. She raised her head to find Garrus. He reached down, wrapped his arms around her and lifted her up onto the desk.

 

“Garrus?” she asked, unsure if she was imagining it.

 

“Don’t talk,” he commanded.

 

His head dipped down to where her uniform came to her jawline. He licked along the rim. “I hate this outfit. Reminds me of Chakwas, and she reminds me of almost dying. It’s fitting, I guess. You kill me, Shepard.”

 

His talon hooked on the zipper of her uniform. “Don’t mind if I take it off, do you?” he asked, dipping his head again to lick her jawline.

 

She shook her head, unable to form words.

 

Fluidly, he unzipped her and gently slid her arms out of the sleeves. This time when he lowered his head, he licked a trail from between her breasts, past her bra and down to the waistband of her leggings. “Tell me you want me, too, Shepard. Tell me you want to ease some tension. Tell me you want to blow off some steam,” he said, looking up at her from her waistband.

 

Instead of words, she pulled his head up and kissed him. It was better this time. His tongue traced hers and the tension built up in her core. She wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling him close.

 

Leaning back, she asked, “Why?”

 

  
“I need this, and you can’t deny you want me now. Even if it makes us awful people, I want it, right here, right now,” he said.

 

“I’m a terrible person,” she whispered, going for the pressure seals on his armor. “A terrible, terrible person. A cheater, too. Goddamn it, I’m a cheater.” His chest plate crashed to the floor followed by the rest of his upper armor.

 

“Shepard, I need you to just shut up now. You’re babbling,” he said, going for the lower half of his armor.

 

She kicked off her boots. “Do I want to do this? Do I really want this?” she asked, and he froze.

 

Garrus flicked a smile at her, placing his hands on top of hers on the desk.

 

“If we do this, it’s just blowing off steam, big guy. Nothing more,” she said, her voice serious.

 

“I won’t ask for more.”

 

“Good,” she said, smiling impishly.

She tugged at her leggings, tossing them over his head. She unzipped his undersuit and he slid out of it.

 

He stood bare before her looking like some kind of god. His plates were gorgeous down most of his chest, the faint blue glow of cybernetics on his upper right side. He almost shimmered in the light of her cabin. “You’re beautiful,” she murmured, half stunned. She knew turians were pleasing to the eye, but he was drop dead gorgeous.

 

Garrus laughed, going for her bra. He’d watched enough vids for this, surely.

 

Gently, she pushed him back. “Um, Garrus, you’re sure we’re compatible, right?” she asked, looking at the smooth space of his pelvis.

 

He rolled his eyes, a human gesture he must’ve picked up while she was dead. He took her hand in his and pressed it along a seam she hadn’t noticed before. She slid her index finger inside, batting his hand away. He let out a groan, “There. That’s where my—ohh more of that.”

 

She giggled, tracing along his length, coaxing him out. In one move, she hooked her thumbs into the band of her underwear and tossed it over his head as well.

 

“Come here,” she said lustfully.

 

He obeyed, teasing her opening with his pretty blue cock. Fluidly, she wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled him inside her with a groan.

 

He’s thin, impossibly thin, and it bugs her, but she rolls her hips anyway.

 

Smoothly, he started to expand, thicken until he’s the perfect size, and slowly expanding further; testing her body.

 

She let out a string of curses and moans as he kept expanding and she’s forced to accommodate his ever growing size. “More,” she cried, leaning back on her hands. “Please, Garrus.”

 

Garrus chuckled, lusty and warm, “I take it you don’t mind.”

 

“Bigger,” she gasped, “you keep getting bigger.”

 

“I’ll take that as you don’t mind,” he said rhetorically.

 

How has he a shred of self-control? She’s falling to pieces, and he’s making conversation. “Bed,” she muttered.

 

Somehow, and for the life of her she can’t understand how, he makes it without so much as a tremble or a shudder. 

 

Beneath him on the soft sheets of her bed, she decides she’s had enough and let’s herself succumb to her biotics slightly. Let’s them have control of her like they want to. That’s the trouble with being with a biotic, they either tear the place apart and you in the process or they can’t lose control and finish.

 

Finally he starts to unravel. “Spirits, Shepard,” he mutters.

 

A shockwave moves through her body and knocks something over. Feeling empowered, she rolls them over, forcing her biotics to fight his strength. She rocks her hips against him, grinding her clit against a ridge just above his cock. It feels so good she wants to scream, but she can’t lose all of her control just yet. She needs to show him what she can do. Just show off a little while she can. 

 

Her finger traced lines along his chest and he writhes beneath her.

 

“You’re so beautiful,” he gasped.

 

“I know,” she cooed. 

 

She slides her hand down to where they meet, and wraps her thumb and index finger around his cock just barely. He bucks like a wild animal beneath her, crying out ‘Shepard’ on every breath.

 

“No, no. Say my name, big guy. Say my real name,” she commands, managing to keep from falling to bits and pieces at the sweaty, slack mandible turian gasping for air beneath her.

 

“Rhylee,” he said. “Fucking Spirits, Rhylee. I hate you. I hate you so much,” he said, panting now.

 

“I hate you too,” she said sweetly. Deciding she’d played enough, she lets go.

 

They’re both vaguely aware of the screaming, growling, and roaring being exchanged between the two of them. They’re both close, so, so close.

 

“One more thing,” Rhylee says, holding her hand in the air, a little violet ball in her palm. She lets it go and they start to float up off the bed.

 

Rhylee comes first, arching back and tensing around him, dragging his orgasm out of him. 

 

They come down with a  _ thwump _ in a tangle of limbs.

 

“That was amazing,” Garrus said, sounding drained. “I didn’t know you could do that.”

 

She shrugs, “That last one was a trick I taught myself. Floating in midair has a certain… _ appeal. _ ”

 

“I love biotics,” he muttered.

 

Rhylee curled up against Garrus with all his heat. “Explain to me what happened with your cock,” she said.

 

He couldn’t help but chuckle at her bluntness. “It’s part of turian evolution. Human females and males are all different widths, depths, and lengths, which creates incompatibilities. Turian females are different like that, too. So, somewhere along the line we evolved to fit better in any turian woman. Or human in this case. The thing about you fleshy mammals is that you keep expanding, and it feels  _ so  _ good,” he explained, remembering the feeling of filling her, only to have her stretch wider, forcing him to keep expanding.

 

“So say we did this again…”

 

“You want to do this again?” he asked, wrapping his arm around her.

 

She shrugged, “I can’t think of a reason why not.”

 

“What happened to being a cheater?”

 

“What happened to not talking to me?”

 

Garrus broke out in laughs, “I was upset. Angry, pissed off, part of me wanted to fuck you through the airlock, and the other part well…still wants to fuck you through the airlock.”

 

She shivered; something about Garrus letting curses fly was sexy. He usually had quite a clean mouth. She intended on changing that.

 

She smiled up at him, “Tell you what, we can do this over and over again whenever we feel like it, as long as it stays friends with benefits. We  _ never  _ go beyond that.”

 

“Deal,” he said. Better something than nothing.


	13. She is Beautiful

Garrus and Rhylee went at it often, after every mission in fact. They were each other’s drugs, and neither could deny their addiction. Often times they’d get off the shuttle, race to the debriefing, and promptly afterward they’d meet in her cabin.

 

Today was not one of those days. 

 

Before the mission began, Rhylee had told Garrus she wanted to speak with Tali before they got together. 

 

“I missed you,” Rhylee said, hugging her friend once more in the elevator.

 

“Keelah, Shepard, I’ve never seen you so happy before. What’re you taking? Red Sand? Stims? Whatever it is, keep doing it,” Tali said, hugging her friend back.

 

After Garrus, Tali was Rhylee’s closest friend, and she really did miss her. 

 

They reached Rhylee’s cabin, and let Tali into her sanctuary. “Nice huh? EDI says they called this place the loft. You haven’t even seen the best part yet, let me show you,” she said, grabbing her friend by the wrist and dragging her toward the bed. She flopped down on the mattress and gestured her friend to join her. Tali flopped down beside her.

 

“Beautiful,” she muttered. “You’re so lucky, Shepard.”

 

Rhylee shrugged. 

 

“I have a confession,” Tali said awkwardly, sitting up.

 

“Shoot,” Rhylee said, sitting up, too.

 

Rhylee could’ve sworn Tali was blushing, she’d bet money on it even. “You can tell me, Tali. No matter what it is,” she said, trying to reassure her friend.

 

“I have a crush,” she said meekly.

 

That got Rhylee excited. “Oh, you have to tell me now!”

 

“Garrus,” Tali said so quickly Rhylee wasn’t sure she’d even said anything at all.

 

_ If you speak the devil’s name, he shall appear, _ Rhylee thought just as the door to her cabin opened.

 

Before the two of them stood a seven foot plus turian in nothing but a leather thong, holding a bottle in his hand.

 

“Shit,” Rhylee muttered to herself, “the worst timing of anyone I’ve ever met in my entire life.”

 

With more than a little shock Tali said, “You two are--Oh Keelah! You two are…I can’t even…”

 

Rhylee forced herself to drown out Tali’s babbling. She rose to her feet and moved to the stairs. Gently as she could manage, she used her biotics to shove Garrus out the door and close it behind him. “EDI, lock the door, and run sequence three lock conditions,” she stated.

 

“Yes, Shepard,” was EDI’s simple reply.

 

Rhylee turned back to the still babbling Tali. “He can never figure out sequence three. The answer is nipples, by the way. Garrus watches too many porn vids,” Rhylee said, shaking her head.

 

“Ok, Tali, it’s not—”

 

“Not what it looks like?” Tali finished for her, staring up at her.

 

Rhylee paused. “Depends on what it looks like. If it looks like Garrus runs around the ship in that outfit for fun, then it’s not what it looks like. If it looks like we’re friends with benefits, it is what it looks like,” she said.

 

Tali flopped back on the bed, “You’re so, so lucky, Shepard. Keelah, I’d trade places with you in an instant.”

 

If Tali was honest with herself—which she tried to be as often as possible—she didn’t just want to be Shepard. She wanted to be  _ with _ Shepard. It was something that first occurred to her after seeing her on Freedom’s Progress, and after she showed up with Garrus in tow…she’d be lying if the shuttle ride back to the  _ Normandy  _ hadn’t been spent fantasizing about the three of them. Oh, she was terrible.

 

“Trust me, Tali you don’t want to be me. I’m terribly boring, I have trouble tying laces, and I’m not even talented at anything beyond my biotics,” she said, attempting to cheer her friend up. 

 

A thought occurred to her, but it was naughty.

 

“What if I loaned him to you for a night?” Rhylee asked, smiling.

 

Tali shot up, “You’ve got to be kidding! I don’t want him  _ now _ ! Not when he’s in love with you! That’d be awful!”

 

Rhylee rolled her eyes and threw herself on the bed beside Tali. “He’s not in love, Tali. Even if he is, that’s not my problem. He knows our deal. It’s certainly not your problem, Tali,” she said with a smile.

 

“You’re as blind as…as…Keelah! You’re blinder than anything I can think of, Shepard. I’ll be in engineering if you need me,” Tali shouted, throwing her hands in the air in anger, standing and heading to the door.

 

As soon as she opened it, Garrus came tumbling in.

 

“Oh, hey, Tali, nice to see you. How’re you doing?” he said nonchalantly. 

 

Once more she threw her hands in the air shouting, “Blind! Both of you! Blinder than bats!” With a final groan of frustration she entered the elevator, letting the door close behind her.

 

Rhylee sat on the bed, waiting for Garrus to bring his pile of armor into her cabin. “It was supposed to be a nice surprise, but I guess it’s a bit ruined now,” he said sullenly, handing her the bottle.

 

“Pomdargent juice,” Rhylee said, smiling fondly at the bottle. “I think I might love you more than I admit,” she said, her voice softer than a whisper: inaudible. 

 

“Did you say something?” Garrus asked, closing the door.

 

“Just saying how much I absolutely hate you. You’re a terrible, terrible beast,” she said, still smiling.

 

“Are you going to punish me?” he asked, mock seductively.

 

“Oh yes, most definitely.”


	14. Burn It Up All Night

Rhylee comes back from Alchera tired, upset, and cold. She holds the dog tags in her hand, on the brink of tears. When her cabin door appears before her, she thinks she might not be able to enter. It’s hard to think of this  _ Normandy  _ as home after visiting its counterpart’s grave. 

 

She feels half alive as she punches in the code for her cabin. Slowly, she moves to her desk and sets the dog tags down on it, counting them out; one through twenty. Finally, she looks up to find Garrus sitting patiently on her bed.

 

“Hey, how’re you feeling?” he asks, not moving from his seat on the edge of her bed.

 

She just looks at him for a minute, still feeling the grief for those lost. “I’ve been better,” she says sullenly.

 

He rises and makes his way toward her. Carefully, as if she might shatter if he’s not gentle, he wraps his arms around her. “I’m here if you need me, Rhylee,” he says.

 

“What’s with the civvies, big guy?” she asks, not moving.

 

Releasing her, he slowly goes for the pressure seals on her armor. “I thought you might need a little cheering up,” he says, his voice soothing and calm.

 

“I don’t think I wanna do that, tonight, big guy. Can we just be friends tonight?” she asks, turning to look at him with her emerald eyes.

 

“Anything you want,” he replies, flicking her a smile. “Just let me take off your armor, first.”

 

She doesn’t say anything else, and doesn’t protest either. Rhylee takes off her undersuit on her own, batting his hands away when he tries to help.

 

She stands before him in nothing but her bra and underwear. “I’m tired. Do you wanna sleep here, tonight?” she asks, forcing a smile.

 

Garrus scoops her up into his arms and carries her to her bed, where he drops her onto the mattress. “Just let me take off some of this and I’ll lie down, too.”

 

She already knows what he’s doing, but she goes along with it anyway. She watches as he slowly lifts his tunic over his head to expose his chest. “You’re awful,” she mock complains.

 

He turns around and bends over, toying with the waistband of his pants.

 

“Take ‘em off already!” she says with a giggle, smacking his ass.

 

“Fine, fine. Ruin my fun,” he whines, pulling off his pants.

 

She smiles, warm and true. “A little eager, I see,” she says, gesturing to his parting plates.

 

“What can I say, you turn me on,” he says with a grin.

 

“Feeling’s mutual,” she says, pulling him toward the bed and down on her with her biotics.

 

He hums, sliding them up the bed so his feet no longer dangle over the edge. Carefully, he tugs off her underwear and unclips her bra. He’d shredded them in eagerness once before, earning him banishment from her cabin for the rest of the week. It was awful to say the least.

 

Garrus runs his talons along her chest, tracing where she’d have plates instead of supple flesh. “You’re so beautiful,” he murmurs, resting his head on her abdomen.

 

“Your foreplay’s a bit weak, why don’t we just cut to the chase?” she asks, smiling wickedly at him.

 

“Now who’s eager?” he quips, sitting up and lifting her onto his waiting cock. 

 

She winces, “What have I told you about slow, Garrus. You’ve been getting bigger, faster lately.” Slowly, she rises and hilts him again. “So much bigger,” she murmurs to herself.

 

They pick up the pace, falling into a familiar pattern. They know each other’s bodies so well, now; almost as well as they know their own. Garrus knew nearly everything about her now; her favorite color, the way she’d squirm and writhe like there’s no tomorrow when he hit that right spot. 

 

The only thing he didn’t know was her darkest secret, the one she kept hidden from even herself.

 

She’s close now, so incredibly close. “Wanna float again?” she asks on stolen breaths.

 

All he can do is nod, trying not to let her periodic squeezing tear him apart just yet.

 

As they rise up toward the ceiling, she mutters his name and he growls hers.

 

“So…close…Rhy…please tell me you’re close, too,” he practically begs, curved in the air now.

 

“Don’t stop on my account,” she pants, the beginnings of her orgasm washing over her in waves.

 

Rhylee comes first, cursing his name and digging her nails deep into Garrus’ back. Quickly he follows after her, growling her name.

 

“I love you,” he says as he piques.

 

When she opens her eyes again, she finds Garrus rising from the bed. “Garrus?” she says, sitting up, confused as to how he’d managed to get her off him without her noticing.

 

He turns to her, eyes wide. “I…um…I didn’t mean it. I…shit, that’s a lie. I just didn’t mean to say it, Rhy. I was just…” he trails off, presumably looking for his shirt.

 

She watches him gather his clothes, and watches as he moves to the stairs.

 

“Wait,” she says, startling even herself.

 

He pauses, but takes a minute to face her. When he does, all she can see is the desperation on his face: in his glacier eyes.

 

“Wait,” she repeats. “I love Liara,” she says, sounding confused.

 

He seems to shrink back like he’s taken a hit.

 

“But I love Tali, too. I love Joker, EDI, Grunt, Miranda, Ashley, Wrex, and the rest of the crew. I love the  _ Normandy _ , she’s my home and everyone here is my family, big guy. I love the smell of roses and strawberries, the feel of silk on my skin, the taste of pomdargents.”

 

She holds out her hand for him to take. When he doesn’t move, she just waits. 

 

He drops his clothes in a pile by the stairs and moves to take her hand.

 

“I love every member of this crew. I loved every member of the last crew; still love some of them. But I’m  _ in love  _ with Liara. I love her so, so much. She means a lot to me, Garrus, and I don’t want to hurt her. You understand, right?” she asks, looking up into his eyes.

 

He doesn’t move, and she continues. “But you? You Garrus…” she shakes her head, looking away. “You know me better than anyone else. You know me better than I know me. I won’t lie to either of us anymore. I love you more than I love anything in the whole damn galaxy, and I don’t want to lose you or let you go. I can’t deny how I feel anymore. I’ve been thinking about this for a while now, and I want you to stay with me. Who better for me to fall in mad love with than my best friend, right?” she says smiling up at him.

 

“Rhylee,” he almost growls.

 

“Yes?”

 

He tackles her to the bed, burying his face in her hair. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he whispers, his voice cracking.

 

“I could say the same thing, big guy,” she murmurs, wrapping her leg around his back.

 

They go at it again, but this time they curl up together in the sheets to sleep. Neither of them suffers their nightmares that night.


End file.
